If you’ve read my newsletters or emails previously year, you understand I sign most “With joy and ease, Debra “.When I write “with joy and ease”, am I trying to convey for you that I’m constantly joyous and everything in my life is a cinch? (In other words, am I LYING?) Certainly not.
With this specific signature I intend to remind you and myself to find the path toward fulfilling purpose that feels joyous and easy. In the flow. Right for us. Although not everything that feels in this manner also feels effortless.
In fact, over the entire year since I’ve refocused connect2 Corporation to steer women entrepreneurs to grow their businesses, I’ve frequently felt I’ve been powering through. Even though I’ve known I’ve been living the path that’s right for me – doing the professional work I’m designed to be doing plus taking care of my children, my home and myself – often times I’ve allowed the volume to obtain blaringly high. I’ve been doing the right things but so many of these at once! Why? Because I’ve been afraid. Afraid when I decrease, my children will suffer. Or my business will suffer. Or my divorce process will decrease further. Or more. Or worse.
So as much as I’ve been practicing residing in connection with Spirit, I’ve already been burning out my power supply. Pretty consciously. Not ready to see a much better way because I was convinced I was right: I was alone, solely responsible. And apparently, because I was fearful of upsetting anyone – especially my clients or loved ones – I clung to these beliefs.
But about monthly ago my motor burned out. (Please forgive my metaphors if they do not make mechanical sense.) I’d been gearing up for my divorce trial, scheduled for June 28 and 29. Expecting it to be physically and emotionally exhausting, I conserved my energy. I chose not to go to a club mitzvah or perhaps a dear friend’s wedding – both out of town – to help keep focused. I swallowed my pride and faced my fears to request help. (And gratefully received it!) I did my level best to get ready, to create sound and rational choices. Obviously, my days were still overly full. And I noticed things kept going wrong spotify a course in miracles. These were not working out with ease. I felt out from the flow. I sensed I was in power struggle. But I kept trying. And then, significantly less than fourteen days before the trial was scheduled to begin, I heard it absolutely was probably be postponed for at the least six months. The adrenaline I’d been living off plummeted. And I crashed hard.
First, I cried. (For me, this really is always an accomplishment.) Then I felt too drained to move. To see clients. To come back calls, even personal ones. To write. I was fried. I assumed this is all merely emotional, as postponement of the trial (and therefore its ultimate resolution) was deeply disappointing and frustrating to me. Turns out I also had strep throat. And then a sinus infection. All I possibly could do, for several, a number of days, was rest. I humbly postponed client meetings. I took a rest from typical marketing activities. I cancelled work outs. I stopped cooking. I knew I’d reached my limit.
Reaching my limit was a miracle. (My favorite definition of “miracle” is from A Course in Miracles: “a shift in perception.”) I finally shifted my perception of myself to someone permitted to stop. Someone for whom it is safe to stop. Someone who can stop constantly moving, tend simply to her needs, and survive it. Only for a while.
The youngsters understood. My friends understood. My clients were very kind about it. Dear people made time to create me food and execute a few plenty of our laundry. And I healed.
A Course in Miracles also says “Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The actual miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that originates from love is a miracle.” My miracle is that I finally loved myself enough to avoid taking care of everything else and start nurturing only me. Naps. Bravo TV. Plenty of books. Soothing music. Quiet time. Meditation. A couple of lovely days on Cape Cod in a pretty inn all by myself.
My fear when I stopped, everything would crash down around me — was False Evidence Appearing Real. Stopping was absolutely necessary. Ultimately rejuvenating. And I came across energy and support to clear my ex’s possessions out my home. And to drive out everything the children had outgrown. Then I read and napped some more. The occasions were a cloud of alternating activity and rest – all off my usual beaten path.
Using this whole experience I remembered I am loved, by my parents, friends, Spirit, myself, and people I didn’t even know have been considering me. After a lot more than fourteen days far from business I concluded that I must schedule regular, true downtime for myself – maybe even take 2 weeks far from work 2-3 times per year. Radical. Easy. Lovely. Loving.